Servers have heard it all, from oddball requests to questions that make them want to laugh, cry, or roll their eyes (maybe all at once). While most restaurant patrons mean well, some comments can turn a busy shift into a headache. To help you avoid those awkward moments, we asked two restaurant industry veterans to share things they wish customers would stop saying.
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Whether you’re at a casual neighborhood bistro or a fine-dining establishment, consider the following list your cheat sheet to being the type of guest they’ll actually be happy to see.
Servers’ Least Favorite Questions
“What’s your favorite thing on the menu?”
While this query seems harmless, it is often pointless because the answer relies on personal taste. Guests often want reassurance about what they will like, not what the server personally prefers, according to Salar Sheik, founder of Los Angeles-based
Savory hospitality consultings
“My tastes, dietary preferences, and mood may not match theirs, and it puts the server in a tricky spot,” says Sheik, who has worked as a server and has trained hundreds of servers, bartenders, and managers over his more than 20-year career.
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Instead, he recommends asking “What’s popular?” or “What dish do you think is the best dish the chef has to offer?”
“Can you split the bill six ways?”
To avoid causing delays and mistakes during a busy restaurant service, try to handle the check among yourselves rather than involving the server. “Many restaurants now have policies or technology for this, but it’s always best for guests to ask upfront or organize payment amongst themselves,” Sheik says.
“Can you make it exactly like [another dish]?”
Asking for something that isn’t on the menu or making excessive modifications to a dish, unless it’s to accommodate a specific allergy, is disrespectful and can cause delays in the kitchen.
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“Every chef has their own recipes and style, and asking us to recreate something else shows a lack of trust in the restaurant’s identity,” Sheik says. “Asking for constant modifications without considering the kitchen’s workflow—accommodations are part of the job, but excessive changes slow service for everyone.”
“Why are the prices on the menu so high?”
Inquiries or complaints about the value of what the restaurant serves can be offensive and awkward. Plus, the server has no control over the menu prices and the explanation typically isn’t simple. The cost of dishes reflects many business expenses that may be beyond the server’s knowledge, from rising food and supply costs to the price of renting the space.
“Questions [like this] were pet peeves of mine simply because I couldn’t answer them,” says Steven Lowell, a career coach and reverse recruiter who worked in restaurants from age 13 to 28. “I was a server, and customers would ask me questions only managers could answer.”
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Lowell also disliked when customers asked if the restaurant was hiring and whether he enjoyed his job. “The questions would sometimes explore my opinions about the establishment, which on the wrong night, I probably would be the worst person to ask!” he says.
Bonus Tips
Don’t yell, make rude gestures—or ignore your server.
Servers also don’t appreciate when diners snap, wave, or yell to get their attention. “Most servers are scanning the room constantly,” Sheik says. “A little patience goes a long way.”
But what you don’t say can speak volumes, too—so always be polite and responsive to service staff.
“Ignoring the server’s greeting or not making eye contact—it sets the tone for the interaction and mutual respect.” Sheik says. “At the heart of it, servers want to provide a great experience. When guests approach interactions with respect and curiosity instead of demands, it elevates the entire dining experience for both sides.”
